Do you feel like you’re not good enough? That everyone, except you, knows what they are doing? That you are only where you are because of luck, chance or even a mistake? You are not alone. These thoughts and feelings are typical of imposter syndrome.

Even if you’ve never felt like this before, you may notice imposter syndrome kicking in the more you work from home, or your role begins to change.  Or you may have started a new job or been promoted, and are finding that you feel like an imposter in your new role.  You may even be finding yourself working long hours as you overwork to try and hide your feelings about being able to do your job effectively.  You may even think the more hours you work, the better you’ll feel about your ability to do your job.  Although, instead you end up feeling tired and burnt out and feeling you need to work long hours just to keep up.

Imposter syndrome is common

If this sounds familiar.  You’re not alone.  It’s believed around 70% of people experience imposter syndrome at some point in their livesi.

If you’re experiencing imposter syndrome, it’s common to feel as if you don’t belong.  Very often, you can find yourself constantly worrying that at any moment you’re going to be found out as a fraud.

This can lead you to believe you don’t deserve the success you’ve achieved, even when you’ve worked hard to achieve it.

Constant thoughts

If you’re experiencing imposter syndrome, you may notice your mind’s continually in overdrive; telling you all the reasons why you shouldn’t be where you are.

You may get promoted, but you’ll justify it by tell yourself hardly any one else applied.  If you recruit a prestigious client, you’ll think it was only down to chance because the client picked the first person they came across.  In meetings, you may be sitting there feeling tense as you expect to be taken aside and told you aren’t qualified for the job you’re doing.

For more on how to manage constant thoughts, check out https://www.blossomhypnotherapy.com/how-to-stop-overthinking-and-start-living/

Imposter syndrome is unpleasant

Living with this going on inside your head day after day can be distressing and unsettling.

Feeling like an imposter day in, day out, can sap you energy and take away your courage to try new challenges and opportunities.  It can hold you back from leading a confident and meaningful life.

As confidence is eroded, everything becomes more difficult. Over time, this can lead to stress, anxiety and depression.  For more on improving confidence, check out creating self confidence.

Imposter syndrome fuels anxiety

While impostor syndrome can motivate some people to achieve more and more, this comes at the cost of constant anxiety. 

You may notice when you feel like an imposter, you try to control your feelings by over-preparing or endlessly working harder and harder, to “make sure” nobody discovers you’re a fraud. So, you end up caught in a vicious cycle, believing the only reason you survived is because of all the extra work you’ve put in. 

For ways to improve motivation without anxiety, have a look at improving motivation without trying too hard.

Evidence doesn’t change beliefs

With imposter syndrome, it doesn’t matter how many times you do something well or receive praise for your work.  However well you do, it doesn’t change your belief that they’re you’re an imposter. In fact, the more you accomplish, the more you feel a fraud. People with impostor syndrome are often perfectionists as well, believing every task has to be done perfectly.

Anyone can be affected

Imposter syndrome affects all kinds of people in all walks of life. Men and women are affected roughly equally. You can feel like you’re an imposters as an employee, partner and parent, as well as socially. Anyone can experience it, including heads of billion pound companies, famous actors, managers, graduates and students.

New experiences can be a trigger

It can be triggered by getting a new job, a promotion or starting university. These new experiences can leave you feeling as though you don’t belong and aren’t capable.

You can’t tell from the outside

From the outside looking in, its impossible to tell who has it. As it’s fuelled by the fear of being found out, you’ll find people don’t talk about it openly.  This means no-one realises how common it is. Those that have it continue to suffer alone, feeling isolated and inadequate.

Don’t worry if this is you, there is help for imposter syndrome.

When I work with clients with imposter syndrome, we work together to change the thoughts, feelings and actions that are holding them back. We look at their core beliefs and find ways to change them. Care is taken to always work at the client’s pace. I take time to support clients to develop the skills they need to make changes. I teach ways to manage anxiety, thoughts and emotions so clients can start to live their lives to the full. We work together to develop self confidence and a more realistic view of their achievements and abilities.

Client story

Nancy’s problem

Take Nancy (not her real name) for instance, a married 34 year old advertising executive. When she first came to see me, Nancy was struggling with imposter syndrome. It was affecting her at work and consumed her time and energy when she was at home.

She would be in online meetings all day, doing her best to try and please others. She felt she had to respond to messages and emails immediately. And, because she felt the need to prove herself she was taking on more and more work.

Nancy would spend her days comparing herself to others and feeling that she was lacking. This worry made it difficult for her to focus and complete tasks. She would work in the evenings and weekends to try to keep on top of things. Her worry about not being good enough at work meant led her to cancel plans with friends and she was withdrawing from the things she enjoyed.

Nancy felt she was losing confidence in her ability and work was taking over more and more of her home life.

Nancy’s results

I worked with Nancy over a number of weeks to help her to manage her imposter sydrome. We worked together to help her to improve her confidence and self esteem. As these began to improve, Nancy felt less stressed about work. As she managed to let go of judging herself at work she began to find work easier and more enjoyable. She found it easier to focus and to complete tasks so she had less need to work throughout the night to keep up.

Over time, Nancy began to realise what she was contributing and the positive impact her work had on her colleagues and the company as a whole. As a result she felt able to put in place boundaries between her work and home life.

We worked together to help Nancy to understand that she didn’t have to be perfect at everything to be good at her job. She began to reach out to her colleagues and discovered that she wasn’t the only one who felt like this, Gradually, she felt able to ask for additional support at work.

Nancy began to take work home less and spend more time on the things she enjoyed.

In Nancy’s words

I can only thank Celia for helping me find easy ways to cope better with the stresses of work and day to day life. She has equipped me with great insights and techniques that I can easily incorporate into my busy schedule.

At work my confidence has improved with colleagues and clients. I’m not worrying about not being good enough anymore so I’m more relaxed and at ease in everything I do.

I saw a huge positive shift in how I am at work and also regarding how I cope with stresses and things often out of my control. As a sensitive person, these tools are invaluable.

I’ve achieved an outcome I didn’t think would ever be possible for me.

I’d highly recommend giving hypnotherapy with Celia a try if you are looking for sustainable ways to change various aspects of your life and need this to happen relatively quickly. Celia is so warm and welcoming, making you feel at ease as soon as you walk through the door. She’s given me the tools to enable me to live a normal life again and I cannot thank her enough. I would not hesitate to use her services again. I highly recommend her.

Try my self-help tips below to help you beat imposter syndrome.

1. Find your tribe

Feeling you belong promotes confidence. The more people look or sound like you, or have the same interests, the more confident you tend to feel.

Try and find people who are like you and make you feel good about yourself. One way of doing this is by helping others in the same situation. If you see someone who seems awkward or alone, you could ask them a question to bring them into the group. As you practice your skills by involving others, you will build confidence in your own abilities.

Over time, you will build up a support network around you, of people who think and feel the same as you. Once you have your support network in place, you could try talking to them about how you are feeling. The beliefs which fuel imposter syndrome tend to take root because they are secret and hidden. Once you open up, you will discover that most people feel the same as you.

2. Change your thinking

Stop expecting yourself to be perfect. No one is. Avoid “all or nothing” thinking, that if one aspect isn’t perfect, the whole thing is a disaster.

Instead of focusing on doing things perfectly, try and do things well enough. So, rather than spending 10 hours on an assignment, stop after eight. Or let a friend read a draft of something you’ve written, even if you haven’t yet polished it to perfection.

If this makes you anxious, try taking deep, calming breaths to help you cope with the feelings. And remember to reward yourself for taking action.

3. Use self-hypnosis

Hypnosis allows you to experience helpful thoughts and images as if they are real. It can help you to learn to change your self-critical thoughts and to respond in new and helpful ways.

Using self-hypnosis you can learn to imagine yourself belonging and feeling successful. This helps you to think, feel and act as if you do. In the long term, it can help you to banish feelings of not being good enough and replace them with more positive beliefs.

4. Don’t fight your feelings

Don’t struggle with your feelings of not belonging or your fear of being found out. Instead, try to lean into them and accept them. Taking long, deep breaths can help you to allow yourself to experience the feelings.

It can also help to put distance between yourself and the feelings by recognising them as thoughts. As the feelings surface, try saying to yourself, “I am having the thought that I am a fraud”.  This allows you to experience  it, and, at the same time, to step back from the emotions so they don’t feel so painful.

5. Remember what you do well

If you have long-held beliefs about your incompetence, make a realistic assessment of your abilities. Write down all the things you’re good at and the areas where you might need to improve. Now compare this with what you are telling yourself every day. Usually, our self-assessments are overly critical and do not reflect reality. If there are areas where you need help, put your efforts into getting new training and skills.

Remind yourself that if you are feeling like an impostor, it means you have some degree of success in your life.  Try and stop worrying that it may only be down to luck. Instead try and look at what you have achieved in your life.  Learning to appreciate how much you’ve accomplished can give you a more balanced view of yourself.

Would you like to make living life easier, right now? Get your free Live Life on Your Terms recording here and begin to live your life with confidence.

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